Today In The USA

Someone finally woke up at the Pentagon and realized it’s probably not a good idea to be selling F-14 ‘Tomcat’ parts to Iran, either directly or through middle-men. One can’t help but wonder why it took them over twenty-five years to realize that Iran is not a friend of the United States. Hopefully the Pentagon hasn’t cut Iran any special deals on ‘retired’ nukes. Anyhow, here’s a link to the latest on this scandal

Out in Oklahoma City, Sarena Sherrard, age 31, a ‘Mommy Monster’ if ever there was one has been sentenced to 15 years in prison following her guilty plea to injecting fecal matter into her infant daughter, who was hospitalized on numerous occasions in her young life. Sherrard was busted in 2005 when surveillance video showed her injecting a foreign substance into her young daughter’s catheter at Children’s Hospital in Oklahoma City. Her evil actions were blamed on a mental disorder known as ‘Munchausen syndrome by proxy’, supposedly a disorder in which parents sicken or injure their child to bring attention to themselves. Most folks would call such actions ‘plain damned evil’ and the acts of a monster. Here’s a link to the story of Mommy Monster

Our favorite plagiarist Senator Joe Biden of Delaware is back in the news. Not so much for his announcement that he’s tossing his hat in the ring to run for president again but rather his ‘foot in mouth’ endorsement of Senator Barack Obama as “clean”, among other attributes that Senator Biden evidently considers rare in African American males.

After great effort, we’ve managed to find a picture of Senator Biden without his foot in his mouth or in the midst of plagiarizing the words of others and here ’tis.

And here’s a quote of the Senator’s words, regarding Senator Obama:

I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy. I mean, that’s a storybook, man.

Now you know why Senator Biden is better off plagiarizing the words of others…

Now for some other stuff we spotted:

California Nursing Home Resident Attacks 3, Including Police Officer, With Hand Saw

Herpes outbreak triggers wrestling ban in Minnesota

Miami Tones Down Plans For Castro’s Death – Mayor Says Celebrations Won’t Be City-Funded; Orange Bowl To Be Used Just For Crowd Control

Cow Attacks, Kills Ohio Farmer While His Grandsons Look On

Try as I might I can’t get that outraged over ‘hottie school teachers’ accused of making a teen boy’s dream come true. Why couldn’t I be so lucky while in high school? And why didn’t my teachers look like this one?

Anyhow fantasies aside for a moment, Carrie McCandless, a 30 year-old social studies teacher and cheerleading coach from Fort Collins, CO is accused of giving a 17-year-old male student alcohol and of having improper contact with him while on a school-sponsored field trip. Now she’s accused of contacting the boy following a court appearance. Here’s a recent report on this hottie and how she may be in more trouble. Read It and Fantasize Guys

At the other end of the spectrum and other end of the country, it seems that school systems in New Jersey are reallying interested in ‘pee’, student pee to be specific. So interested in fact that they are enacting all sorts of ‘pee tests’ for high school students. Now don’t get me wrong, preventing teen drug abuse, including the abuse of alcohol the most popular drug of all, is a worthwhile goal. But grabbing kids out of class at random to pee in a cup to test for alcohol is going way overboard. This especially the case in light of the fact that various substances other than alcohol can give false positive results on these tests. Maybe a better idea would be mandatory alcohol testing of teachers, administrators and school board members, as they are a lot more likely to drink and drive than are the students. Read It and Don’t Use Mouth Wash

Now here’s an idea whose time has come, at least to the Seattle area – scantily clad coffee shop girls. Sure enough, if an early morning cup of espresso isn’t enough to get your heart pounding maybe having it served up by a beautiful woman in a halter top or maybe a lacy bra and see-thru panties will turn the trick. From the sounds of it these gals are raking in the money like there’s no tomorrow. For those interested in the news report, you can Click Here. For those interested in seeing the girls, make sure you have Javascript turned on in your browser, and Click Here, Here and Here.

From the “Airhead pop-tart department”, Forget exercise and calorie-controlled diets, Hollywood’s best-kept weight loss tip is simple: Just dye your locks blond. Well, at least according to Mary-Kate Olsen’s publicist. Read It, Look at the Picture and Realize She Looks ‘Freakish’

From the “Does anyone care anymore department”, Miss California Jacquelynne Fontaine and Miss Pennsylvania Emily Wills were the winners Saturday as preliminary competition drew to a close for the 2007 Miss America Pageant. Read It and Wonder Which Will Be Named the Next ‘Trump Girl’

From the “Trump Girls department”, After spending 31 days in rehab for her hard-partying ways, Miss USA Tara Conner is out and is “a completely different person,” she exclusively told People Magazine in an issue that will appear on newsstands this week. Read It and Know ‘The Donald’ Would Never Fire This Girl

From the “It’s getting weird department”, The ‘World’s Oldest Mother’, Carmela Bousada, a 67-year-old Spaniard, who sold her to raise the $58,700 to pay for fertility treatment at a California fertility clinic, where she lied about her age is exhausted, short of money and is seeking a younger husband to be a father to her twins. Read It and Understand It’s Never Too Late

From the “Monsters among us department”, Dean Arthur Schwartzmiller, 64, a man prosecutors said was one of the nation’s most prolific child molesters was sentenced Monday to 150 years in prison for abusing two 12-year-old boys. Read It and Be Happy the Monster Is Locked Up

From the “Crime pays sometimes department”, The FBI is seeking the public’s help in identifying the so-called “Goofy Hat Bandit,” who is wanted for as many as 32 bank robberies in Southern California since October 2005. Read It and Buy a ‘Goofy Hat’

From the “Isn’t this in bad taste department”, With Fidel Castro seriously ill, the city of Miami is making plans to throw a party at a local football stadium when the Cuban president dies, complete with themed T-shirts. Read It and Let the Ol’ Commie Die In Dignity

From the “Critters in places they don’t belong department”, Ziggy, Marmalade, Smokey and Shane are prison cats and they are being involuntarily paroled by the new superintendent of Vermont’s largest women’s prison, to the chagrin of inmates who feed them, pay for their care and cherish them. Read It and Figure Half of Them Will Be Back Before Long

From the “Thou shall not mess around department”, Mike Jones, the former male prostitute whose accusations against New Life Church founder Ted Haggard led to Haggard’s dismissal as pastor has paid a visit to the megachurch. Read It and Hope They Both Washed Their Hands

From the “Is it real or is it marketing hype department”, How far would you drive for a gallon of “terror-free” gas? Consumers in Omaha, Neb., will be able to answer that question soon as the nation’s first “terror-free” gas station is scheduled to open there Thursday. Read It and Ask About the Terror-Free Sodas and Chips

From the “Don’t mess with this gal department”, Perky is one tough bird. The ring-neck duck survived being shot and spending two days in a hunter’s refrigerator and now she’s had a close brush with death on a veterinarian’s operating table. Read It and Realize Perky Will Probably Outlive Fidel Castro

From the “You can’t escape death or taxes department”, Brian Emmett’s childhood fantasy came true when he won a free trip to outer space. He was crushed when he had to cancel his reservation because of Uncle Sam. Read It and Curse the Taxman