From the “Airhead pop-tart department”, Forget exercise and calorie-controlled diets, Hollywood’s best-kept weight loss tip is simple: Just dye your locks blond. Well, at least according to Mary-Kate Olsen’s publicist. Read It, Look at the Picture and Realize She Looks ‘Freakish’

From the “Does anyone care anymore department”, Miss California Jacquelynne Fontaine and Miss Pennsylvania Emily Wills were the winners Saturday as preliminary competition drew to a close for the 2007 Miss America Pageant. Read It and Wonder Which Will Be Named the Next ‘Trump Girl’

From the “Trump Girls department”, After spending 31 days in rehab for her hard-partying ways, Miss USA Tara Conner is out and is “a completely different person,” she exclusively told People Magazine in an issue that will appear on newsstands this week. Read It and Know ‘The Donald’ Would Never Fire This Girl

From the “It’s getting weird department”, The ‘World’s Oldest Mother’, Carmela Bousada, a 67-year-old Spaniard, who sold her to raise the $58,700 to pay for fertility treatment at a California fertility clinic, where she lied about her age is exhausted, short of money and is seeking a younger husband to be a father to her twins. Read It and Understand It’s Never Too Late

From the “Monsters among us department”, Dean Arthur Schwartzmiller, 64, a man prosecutors said was one of the nation’s most prolific child molesters was sentenced Monday to 150 years in prison for abusing two 12-year-old boys. Read It and Be Happy the Monster Is Locked Up

From the “Crime pays sometimes department”, The FBI is seeking the public’s help in identifying the so-called “Goofy Hat Bandit,” who is wanted for as many as 32 bank robberies in Southern California since October 2005. Read It and Buy a ‘Goofy Hat’

From the “Isn’t this in bad taste department”, With Fidel Castro seriously ill, the city of Miami is making plans to throw a party at a local football stadium when the Cuban president dies, complete with themed T-shirts. Read It and Let the Ol’ Commie Die In Dignity

From the “Critters in places they don’t belong department”, Ziggy, Marmalade, Smokey and Shane are prison cats and they are being involuntarily paroled by the new superintendent of Vermont’s largest women’s prison, to the chagrin of inmates who feed them, pay for their care and cherish them. Read It and Figure Half of Them Will Be Back Before Long

From the “Thou shall not mess around department”, Mike Jones, the former male prostitute whose accusations against New Life Church founder Ted Haggard led to Haggard’s dismissal as pastor has paid a visit to the megachurch. Read It and Hope They Both Washed Their Hands

From the “Is it real or is it marketing hype department”, How far would you drive for a gallon of “terror-free” gas? Consumers in Omaha, Neb., will be able to answer that question soon as the nation’s first “terror-free” gas station is scheduled to open there Thursday. Read It and Ask About the Terror-Free Sodas and Chips

From the “Don’t mess with this gal department”, Perky is one tough bird. The ring-neck duck survived being shot and spending two days in a hunter’s refrigerator and now she’s had a close brush with death on a veterinarian’s operating table. Read It and Realize Perky Will Probably Outlive Fidel Castro

From the “You can’t escape death or taxes department”, Brian Emmett’s childhood fantasy came true when he won a free trip to outer space. He was crushed when he had to cancel his reservation because of Uncle Sam. Read It and Curse the Taxman