Well gosh, it seems Al Gore’s “Inconvenient Truth” is in reality a $30,000 utility bill. It turns out that “Mr. Carbon Footprint” is using about 20 times the national average in utilities to power, heat and cool his home. Oh well, just mark Ol’ Al down as another of those “Do as I say, not as I do” type people that wants to limit what you do, while doing what they damned well please. Read It and Send Ol’ Al a ‘Nasty Gram’ Telling Him to Knock It Off

Pantyless and Hairless Britney Spears is back in the news. No, she didn’t take off or cut off anything this time. Turns out that she considers herself above the other ‘rehab riff-raff’ and has her own wing at the Malibu clinic Promises where she is undergoing treatment, hiding out or just smoking cigarettes. With a single room reportedly costing upwards of $48,000 per-month, Britney’s desire to be above it all may cost her more money than it would to simply buy K-Fed-Ex off. Read It and Tell Britney To Take a ‘Chill Pill’ and Socialize a Little Bit

From the “Don’t play chicken with a Hummer department”, authorities say a man who appeared to be driving while using his laptop computer died Monday when his vehicle crossed into oncoming traffic near Yuba City and collided with a Hummer. Read It and Write the Poor Fool’s Demise Off to ‘Darwin In Action’

Meanwhile, up in North Dakota the battle is still on-going in the attempt to repeal the state’s antiquated ‘Anti-Shack Up Law’, which makes criminals out of couples that are, well, simply shacking up. Couples such as 82-year-old Helen Vetter and her ‘sweetie’, 87-year-old Don Polries. Helen says, “I will not have the state ruling us old people”. Read It and Understand That Helen Is Right

Then there’s the matter of the Delta Zeta sorority at DePauw University, which allegedly dumped every woman who was overweight, as well as the only black, Korean and Vietnamese members. The purge of ‘undesirables’ even eliminated the chapter president, leaving only 12 members who are reportedly slim and conventionally pretty and probably so ‘stuck up’ they will drown the first time it rains. Read It and Suspect the Collective IQ of the 12 Remaining Members Isn’t Over 100

Odds and Ends:

Janitor Spends Weekend in Courthouse Without Food and Water After Getting Locked in Room

Man Trapped Under Bathtub for Three Hours After Motel Floor Collapse

Eddie Murphy Loses Oscar, Bolts From Show

Mom Pleads Guilty to Coaching Kids to Fake Retardation