Today In The USA

The cops in Prichard, Alabama probably should not claim to have “busted” Chavis Sanders, 22, and David Bailey, 24.

The dynamic duo pretty much busted themselves.

To understand what we mean one need only realize that Sanders and Bailey showed up at police headquarters in a stolen car with a small bag of marijuana plainly visible on the car’s center console.

When one of the men rolled down one of the car’s windows and opened a door the cops KNEW but could hardly believe what was happening or their luck in having a crime scene complete with suspects delivered into their waiting arms.

Reportedly the scent of pot was so strong it took officers no time at all to zero in on the mother load.

Yep, the cops found a half-pound of marijuana and a gun under the seat of the stolen car of the dynamic duo.

Turns out that Prichard police arrested Sanders about two months ago on a drug distribution charge and confiscated $1,200 from him. At the time of his latest arrest Sanders was hoping to get the money back and he also reportedly wanted to check the status of a domestic violence case pending against him.

Both Sanders and Bailey were carted off to the Mobile County Metro Jail on charges of first-degree possession of marijuana, first-degree receiving stolen property and carrying a pistol without a permit. Bail for both men was set at $10,500…

Read it at Two arrested at city police headquarters and realize that neither of these guys is likely to have an IQ greater than their shoe size…

Reginald Dogan of the Pensacola News Journal penned a satire piece lamenting the butt ugly hookers of the Pensacola area.

Dogan asks why, as part of a community beautification effort, Pensacola can’t import some better-looking hookers.

As Dogan’s describes them – some ladies who can instill a bit of Pensacola pride.

According to Dogan:

Anyone who saw the mug shots of the women arrested earlier this year for prostitution in Brownsville couldn’t help but notice that we have to have the ugliest hookers on the entire planet. Anyone less than blind drunk, when approached by one, would have to say, “Ten bucks? Please! You should to be paying me!”

Dogan goes on, pointing out the bad impression out of town visitors looking for a good time receive from ugly hookers. Something the Pensacola visitors bureau might want to keep in mind.

He then reveals that he is amazed that anyone would ever be caught in a Pensacola Police prostitute sting.

It always amazes me that anybody could ever get caught up in a prostitution sting here. Hint: If she has all her teeth, pretty skin and clean hair, chances are she’s the police, not a prostitute.

All in all, Dogan’s is a fine piece of satire, although one apparently lost on the majority of those commenting upon it.

Check it out for yourself at Let’s toss the trashy tramps and recruit some reputable call girls and suspect that at least some of those commenting are butt ugly Pensacola hookers…

Jonesboro, Arkansas Police are reporting that a fake Santa attacked a Jonesboro family on Thursday night.

According to police, the fake Santa, who they identify as 33-year-old Steven Vaughn, the band director at Brookland High School, attacked the family of Kevin McGaughey, the Superintendent of Brookland Schools.

Allegedly Vaughn showed up at the McGaughey home dressed in a Santa Claus hat and beard, a red sweatshirt, black pants and gloves and lugging a green container.

When McGaughey answered the door the fake Santa is reported to have said, “I did not have a chance to bring you your Christmas present, so I brought it to you.” Which makes about as much sense as the rest of this story.

Reportedly McGaughey let the fake Santa into his home and that’s when the phony Claus whipped out a .22 caliber pistol and ordered the family to get onto the floor.

A fight broke out between the faux Santa and Kevin McGaughey and son Nathan. The McGaugheys eventually managed to get the gun away from the Santa run amok, but not before Kevin McGaughey had a vase smashed into his face and suffered some broken ribs.

When the cops arrived and looked inside the green container they found a five gallon gasoline can, lighter and trash bag. Police also reportedly found that Vaughn’s car had fake tags and contained a loaded 9 mm pistol and a couple of magazines of ammo.

Read it at Dressed Like Santa, Brookland Band Teacher Attacks Superintendent and if a deranged band director shows up at your house dressed as Santa you probably should not let him in…