Today In The USA

It seems there is never an end to the wacky reports from the law and disorder front.

Anyhow, here’s today’s collection:

William M. Bowen, 27, awoke in Muncie, Indiana about 6:30 a.m. Thursday morning. Nothing too odd about that. But wait, there’s more. He woke up inside a garbage truck that was getting ready to “compact” him. Read it at Drunken Man Awakes Inside Garbage Truck and tell ol’ William he probably ought to get some new drinking buddies…

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Art Price Jr., 40, of Bellevue, Ohio, has a unique distinction which no one in their right mind would want. Art has been busted for allegedly having sex with a picnic table, not once, not twice, not thrice but four times. And supposedly there’s a video tape of Art getting familiar with the hole in the table where one is supposed to put their umbrella. Read it at Man Faces Charges for Having Sex With Picnic Table and wonder if a picnic table can actually “consent”…

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Meanwhile down Dallas way, it turns out the city can not revoke the license of a strip joint just because there was a 12-year-old, sixth-grade girl dancing there. Turns out though that Demonica Abron, 27, who worked as a stripper in the club, and David Bell, 22, have been charged with felony sexual performance of the child in connection with making the 12-year-old work at the club. Read it at Dallas Can’t Close Strip Club Where Girl, 12, Danced and figure that Demonica was appropriately named and David may get his “bell” rung if he ends up in prison…

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Speaking of strip joints, the K.C. Lounge a Riverside, Ohio strip joint is where the Reverend Craig Rhodenizer, 46, the pastor of St. John’s Lutheran Church in Lyndonville, N.Y. was finally found. On Wednesday he supposedly went to a local Best Buy. Friday he was found several hundred miles away from home and evidently having a fine time in the strip joint. Reportedly the reverend feels “emotionally guilty”, whatever that is. Read it at Missing N.Y. cleric found at strip club and figure the reverend has some “explaining” to do back home…

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And least one think that only criminals and wayward preachers are running amok, the cops are not doing much better themselves as the following will show:

The Transportation Security Administration said Friday it will change the way its officers search passengers with body piercings after a Texas woman complained she was forced to remove a nipple ring with pliers in order to board an airplane. Ouch!!! Read it at TSA: We’ll Change Rules About Nipple Rings and realize the skies are not as friendly as we once thought…

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Police in La Crosse, Wisconsin are not doing very well at fingering women properly, at least according to this report titled oddly enough, Police Sorry For Fingering Wrong Person. And if that is not bad enough they showed a video of it for three days. For shame, for shame…

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Speaking of fingering the wrong person the cops in La Crosse only screwed up once. Their fellow officers in Kronenwetter, Wisconsin fingered a whole lot more and got it a lot more wrong, about 90 times more wrong. This by swooping down on a teen “keg party”, running nearly 90 breath tests and even searching locked rooms for hiding teens and for what? A root beer party. Read it at Cops Bust High School Root Beer Kegger and figure that one of these days they are going to have to start giving IQ tests to police academy applicants…

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Philly narc cops Scott Schweizer and Eric Dial managed to get themselves fingered, demoted and suspended. ‘Da boyz’ got into trouble over so called “racist stickers” one of which depicted a man, half as an officer in uniform and half as a Klansman, with the words “Blue By Day — White By Night.” The other was far less original, it apparently just said “White Power”. Both were suspended for 20 days and banished to patrol duty where they started as rookies. Read it at 2 Philadelphia Cops Suspended Over Racist Stickers and realize they don’t do IQ testing at the Philly police academy either…

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From the school discipline front comes word that Donna Hudepohl, a school resource officer at Moss Elemenary School in Orange County, Florida, may have suffered a broken nose when an 11-year-old punched her. At least Hudepohl had the IQ to know what to do when an 11-year-old is beating your ass, she tasered the kid. Read it at Student Tasered at School and know that kid won’t be near as eager to punch out Hudepohl in the future…

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And from the legislative front comes word that Arkansas Legislators are determined to get it right, eventually. Last year when they tried to clarify Arkansas marriage law they mistakenly allowed anyone, even toddlers, to marry in Arkansas with parental consent. One can only wonder what they will allow this year. Read it at Arkansas Lawmakers to Repeal Child Marriage Provision and understand we are talking child brides for real here…

Some folks just are not cut out for a life of crime or when they get caught they simply can’t handle the punishment and whine and snivel as a result. Here are but a few examples.

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In Chicago an 18-year-old would-be armed robber entered a muffler shop and declared a robbery. He allegedly waved a gun around and demanded money. Told that the manager was the only person that could open the safe and that he wasn’t there yet the would-be robber left his cell phone number telling shop employees to call him when the manager arrived. They did call, only it was the cops. Cops arrive, call the idiot robber’s cell phone, he arrives, waives a gun around and gets shot in the leg and busted for his trouble. Read it at Chicago’s Dumbest Thief and understand that this idiot is not cut out for a life of crime.

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Seventy-two year old LeRoy Schad, a convicted child molester living in Hudson, Kansas, population 150, is unhappy with the terms of house arrest and probation imposed upon him by District Judge Ron Svaty. Schad was required to post signs with letters 4 inches high around his house indicating that a sex offender resides there. Additionally Schad was required to attach two magnetic decals to his Ford Escort when he drives to counseling sessions or to see his probation officer. The signs say “Sex offender in this car.” Schad says the judge took it too far and Schad fears his life could be in danger. Schad’s lawyer is appealing the sentence. Read it at Sex offender says having to post signs put him in danger and figure Schad would be in a lot more danger were he in prison where he belongs…

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Marco DaCosta, a parolee in South Florida is also living under the restrictions placed on sex offenders. The problem is, he is not a registered sex offender. When DaCosta was released from prison, he was initially ordered by state corrections department to live under the Oakland Park Bridge. There he had no bed, no restroom and not even a chair or bench to sit on. After the cops evicted him from the bridge he was ordered to live in a tent near the Everglades with two other former inmates and countless gators nearby. DaCosta who was convicted of burglary, aggravated assault and threatening to kill his ex-wife was also arrested on charges of sexual battery on two girls and aggravated assault involving fondling a woman, but those charges were dropped. Since DaCosta is on parole for the other crimes the state says it can impose any restrictions upon DaCosta it sees fit and he is being required to live under sex offender restrictions. DaCosta’s attorney is appealing. Read it at S. Fla. Parolee Says State Made Him Live Under Bridge and be thankful you don’t live under a bridge or with the gators…

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In Missouri, authorities are trying to decide what to do with Ronald Long who while attempting to install a a satellite TV system in the home he shared with wife Patsy Long managed to shoot and kill her. After trying unsuccessfully to punch a hole through the wall of the home by other means, Long used a .22 caliber pistol to shoot a hole in the wall. The second shot struck his wife in the chest, killing her. Read it at Man shoots wife while installing satellite TV system and wonder if it wouldn’t be better to get an ex-wife to help with installing the satellite dish…

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The FBI in Seattle has begun analysis of a long-buried parachute of the same type used by skyjacker D.B. Cooper when he jumped from an Northwest Orient Airlines 727 with a 25 pound money bag containing $200,000 dollars ransom on Thanksgiving eve 1971. The children of a Clark County contractor found the parachute buried in a field that their father has recently plowed for a road. Read it at Feds check parachute for D.B. Cooper link and if you are less than 40-years-old ask “Who’s D.B. Cooper?”…

Those giggling ‘Barbie Bandit’ bank robbers, Ashley Miller and Heather Johnston, are back in the news.

On Monday, Miller and Johnston were sentenced, along with accomplice Benny Herman Allen III, a now former employee of the Bank of America in Acworth, Georgia which the girls knocked off.

Ashley Miller convicted of theft and drug distribution, was sentenced to the maximum of 10 years. She will be required to do two years in the joint and the remainder on probation. Miller also must pay at least $2,500 in restitution.

Heather Lyn Johnston, who pleaded guilty to robbery and drug use charges in August, got off easier, a lot easier, as she was sentenced to 10 years probation with community service, a minimum $2,000 fine and $2,500 in restitution.

Allen, the “inside man” on the bank heist was sentenced to the 10-year maximum. He’s required to serve five years behind bars and pay $2,500 in restitution.

So this pretty much wraps up the case of the “Barbie Bandits”, America’s most infamous air-head strippers turned bank robbers.

The picture. Oh, okay…

Read it at One ‘Barbie Bandit’ gets jail, the other probation and figure they should have stuck to stripping…