Today In The USA

An anonymous group of hackers calling itself “Anonymous” has a hard-on for Scientology ™ evidently and are apparently engaged on an on-line attack against the Scientology ™ web site. Read it at Hackers Hit Scientology With Online Attack and watch a Tom Cruise movie or two…

If you wish to hire a hit man you probably should not follow the example of Ann Marie Linscott of Grand Rapids, Michigan who allegedly tried to hire a “hit man” via Craigslist. Allegedly she wanted to hire someone to kill her lover’s wife. Read it at Craigslist Ad Sought “Silent Assassin” and understand that Ann Marie is “in a heap of trouble”…

In a “here it comes, there it goes” type of deal a space rock whizzed by earth in what is mistakenly being called a “near miss”. Reality is it was nearly a hit. Anyhow, scientists managed to get a few very lousy pictures of the wandering rock. You can see them and read it at First Blurry Pictures of Near-Miss Asteroid Released.

The U.S. House of Representatives has been scammed to the tune of $89,000 on so-called carbon offsets. Of course these guys and gals manage to piss billions of taxpayer dollars out the window daily, so wasting another $89,000 is simply chump change to them. Read it at Value of U.S. House’s carbon offsets is murky and call up your favorite Congresscritter and tell him to offset him or herself…

Cops in Michigan say that when Frank Kozumplik ran out of wine he hopped on his lawn mower and headed out to get some more and in the middle of a snow storm. The cops caught him on the way home with 4 bottles of wine and a BAC two and a half times the legal limit. Read it at Michigan Cops: Drunk Man Runs Out of Wine, Drives Lawn Mower in Snowstorm to Buy More

Wal-Mart to sell Jesus.
Well, actually Jesus action figures.
In a move certain to drive Mom and Pop Jesus stores out of business. Read It.

Evidently a man in Centerville, Virginia decided to save a few bucks making his own fireworks. He and most of the house survived. The garage didn’t. Read It

A man in Massachusetts gets cuffed and stuffed on child endangerment charges after stuffing his two daughters, 9 and 11-years-old in the trunk of his car. Read It

Largo, Florida cops say a 38-year-old man was arrested after he called 911 and told a dispatcher he was surrounded by police officers and needed help. Read It

Prosecutor Theodore J. Romankow said he decided not to pursue charges against Byron Halsey, a man who spent 22 years in prison for the murder and rape of two children and who was recently cleared by DNA testing. Gosh Mr. Prosecutor, what gave you a clue? Read it at Charges Dropped Against Man Freed By DNA

After killing dogs and cats in the US, the Chinese are out to show they are serious about the purity and safety of food and drugs, so they executed the former head of its food and drug watchdog agency on Tuesday. Supposedly for approving untested medicine in exchange for cash. We are betting that it has more to do with needing a sacrificial lamb over the pet food scandal. Anyhow, read it at China Executes Ex-Food and Drug Chief

Former astronaut Lisa Nowak told police she was willing to share here alleged love interest, Bill Oefelein, with romantic rival Colleen Shipman and that rather than killing her Nowak just wanted to talk to her. Read it at Love-Struck Nowak Was Willing to Share Oefelein

A weekend wedding reception in St. Charles, Missouri ended with one guy zapped with a stun gun and six people carted off to jail. Read it at Wedding Reception Altercation Ends With Stun Gun, Six Arrests

Meanwhile, down in Fort Meyers, Florida Eileen Amy Politano, 63, blamed a great sale for the reason she left her small child locked inside a sweltering car for an hour. Her bond was $1,500. Read it at Mom Blames Great Store Sale for Leaving Child in Hot Car

Daniel Ellis, of Cape Cod, didn’t want to perform jury duty so he told the judge he was homophobic, racist and a habitual liar. Then the scam fell apart. Now Daniel may end up before a jury himself. Read it at Judge May Charge Man Who Claimed He’s Racist to Get Off Jury Duty